To continue on my previous post, I had just had Cupcake by emergency cesarean section at the hospital and was pretty bloody hungry at this point.
They wheeled me into my ward, while I marveled at this little precious bundle in my arms, my hair sticking out all over the place. As we got into the ward,Superman & I started to settle into the reality of what had just happened.
I can’t truly explain how we felt, it was this overwhelming love coupled with exhaustion and just plain be wonderment at the fact that we had a son. A healthy little boy with 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes and a full mop of hair, he didn’t even cry much, he just wanted to be held.
That entire first day is somewhat of a blur, so pardon me if my sequence of events are a bit fuzzy.
We spent the afternoon kangaroo caring, then Superman went home for a shower, a well deserved nap and a clean set of clothes, while Cupcake and I were also allowed to clean up and put on some fresh clothing. By about 5pm I was FINALLY given something to eat. In my mind I was picturing a double cheese burger, stuffed with zinger wings,skinny fries, covered in mash & gravy with a mango milkshake. When I opened the food tray, it was a cheese sandwhich with some soup *insert sound of pacman dying again*, however, the reasoning was because had I eaten something heavy, I was more than likely going to throw up because of all the meds in my system, so I ate veeeery sloooowly to ensure the feeling lasted.
I shared a ward with two amazing women, one who has become quite an amazing friend of mine. We all had had lil boys, and it was really amazing to share experiences with these women as I was the first time mommy amongst them. They truly supported me during my 4 day stay at the hospital, as there were many times that I really wasn’t sure what to do. To them I owe the biggest thank you, shukran!!
Visiting hours was really funny as Superman & I both come from really big families, so the tiny waiting room at the hospital was filled just to see Cupcake. Lol, at one point my mom said the security asked them to keep it down because they were all being so loud *facepalm* only our families hey.
Everyone wanted to hold him, and I was like a weary dragon, trying to shield him from sneezes and family holding him too tight. To say that I was beyond protective is definitely an understatement. What made it worse was that my legs were still numb and they had swollen to the point that I had kankles! I remember phoning Superman that morning crying that I had no ankles, lol.
The first night Cupcake slept in the nursery so that I could get some rest, I on the other hand sat up watching movies, forgetting that I had a baby to see to the following day. Like clockwork, I was woken up at 5:30am that morning to feed Cupcake, breastfeeding was a real challenge for me, but more on that later.
Our second day in hospital I did something really stubborn, I refused pain medication. After being able to shower, I was in my normal jammies (pyjamas) and was walking up and down in the hospital, carrying Cupcake, rocking him to sleep, forgetting that I had just had invasive abdominal surgery.
The nurses kept asking me if I was okay, and I felt amazing. I had so much energy, Cupcake was sleeping well, I was finally eating real food, having a cup of coffee *yeay* so to me the pain medication was really not something I needed.
Until that evening, when I was so stiff and in an immense amount of pain, the nurses very nicely explained to me that the walking was good, but that I too, had to take baby steps to recovery. *Note to self, don’t be stubborn.
The third day we were given a lesson on how to properly wash our babies in the nursery, definitely something that I would not have known how to do properly. All the while Cupcake slept so peacefully in his crib.
The final day I got up early, my gynae had visited me every morning since having Cupcake and he was quite happy with my progress. Cupcakes paediatrician also felt that he was growing beautifully and that we were ready to go home.
As I stood, showered and ready to leave, my bags packed, forms filled out, it was just myself and my new friend in the ward. Her baby was in NICU, she too was to go home but without him. As she came in crying, it made me feel so thankful that I could take Cupcake home, but rest assured her baby was home in no time, and he is such a lovable little man now.
The matron signed my final forms, while a nurse carried Cupcake to the car, a security double checked our bands to ensure that I was indeed taking my own baby home and off we walked. As we got into the car, Cupcake in his carseat, I got this overwhelming feeling of panic.
There was no lactation nurse at home, no friendly mommy’s in the next bed to help me out, no night nurse to take care of Cupcake so I could sleep, no nurses, just Cupcake, me and Superman. At that moment I thought that I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t be able to do this, how was I supposed to look after a defenceless little baby? I mean, I’m not perfect, I need a manual! Help!
As I sat crying in the car on the way home, I would never have guessed that that was the start of my mommy journey.
Hope you all enjoy this!