Hoping that you all have been doing really well with this amazing weather that we’ve been having, I know that I haven’t posted in almost two weeks, but due to me being in the hospital, then studying for exams which then got rescheduled, it has been rather hectic.
However, I will be posting today & tomorrow to make up for the loss of articles 🙂
My maternity leave was quite bittersweet, I enjoyed every single day that I got to spend with Cupcake. On the other end, I knew each day meant having to go back to work and I was so ultimately terrified of leaving my baby in someone else’s care.
Superman & I teetered between a nanny (this happened to coincide with the time that the video of the abusive nanny went viral) then a crèche (oh, then the video of the little kid punching a baby went viral) and then me staying at home, needless to say it left me feeling very panicked to return to work.
We finally opted on a crèche, after doing immense research on places, we (rather I) found a place where I felt he would be well taken care of and loved.
My first day back at work, Superman dropped Cupcake off at crèche as I needed to be at work too early, I cried all the way to work. Then phoned the crèche almost 5 times for the day, oh and left work early to get him. That entire first few weeks were of the toughest weeks of my life.
I would do random pop ins at the crèche too, and everytime I did, he would be playing with his teacher, laughing and smiling, and that truly gave my heart some ease.
It does beg the question though, working moms have it really tough. We already fill ourselves with this immense guilt with having to leave our babies in the care of others, then to top it off, there are so many people who add to this feeling of guilt.
Being a full-time working (and studying) mom has been the BIGGEST challenge of my life. Having to balance being a mom, wife, career woman and student, I sometimes feel this extreme overwhelming pressure to get them all right.
That is when I realised that I needed to lower my standards, my house did not have to be spotless every night, I could no longer work overtime just for extra credit or study till the early hours of the morning. My priorities had changed dramatically, and I started to live.
Working has not only given my mind peace and focus, but Cupcake has become such a social being and is no longer so afraid to meet other people. Overall it turned out to be the best decision that I could ever have made.
Fair enough, there are some mornings when I feel like a horrible mother, when I need to wake him up early to get ready for crèche just to spend some time with him, or when he cries after me because his tired. On these mornings I usually have to smile to reassure him that he is okay and that I would be back, then cry in my car.
Not to say that there haven’t been mornings when he has waved me goodbye, and that leaves me with such a happy feeling in my heart knowing that he is being taken care of in a place that keeps him happy.
So to all the working mommys, leaving before the sun is up with a heavy heart, having to go out to make a life for your kids, don’t ever let anyone allow you to feel terrible for your decision. Unfortunately some of us aren’t great stay at home moms, but that doesn’t mean we love our kids any less, we love them just as much as any mom, we just mother differently *hugs*
Always with Love & Peace,